What to do when you’re better at one part of your life more than others

Ever had your life work out for you – say business wise, but relationship wise your life is a wreck ?

Or maybe you’re really good at maintaining your physical health, but can’t seem to apply the same grit in maintaining your physical finances ?


Is this PICTURE REALLY TRUE?? Like do you honestly believe one aspect must be sacrificed to the pantheon of EQUVALENT EXCHANGE and COSMIC BALANCE and FAIRNESS for ANY PART of your life to be well and good?  

Honestly. Ask that to yourself.

Because I have a proposition.

What about: You reverse engineer your belief systems, your attitudes and characteristics behind the parts of your life that DO work. And teach yourself how to reengineer the parts that DON’T.

You won’t be getting principles from the next self-help book or a popularly shared article on facebook. Nope, you’ll be getting it from yourself. Your well of experiences, your truth, your inner knowing, that knows your problems more than a 10,000 hour counsellor because you’ve actually lived with yourself. Like uhh, with the whole entirety of your life.

You best know how to fix this.

Read that again.

You best know how to fix this.

Because only YOU can best know yourself.

Don’t look out – look within.

You don’t give yourself enough credit for the things that do work in your life. And being aware of how you learn, what you value, what stirs your fire -these are- THESE ARE LIKE GEMSTONES IN THE HEART OF THE MOUNTAIN. People keep getting jealous of other people’s riches, not realizing they’re sitting on a pile of gems and gold. DIG!! JUST DIG BABY. DIG INTO THE RICHES OF YOUR SOUL.



How Maalia ? Could you give me an example?

Okay so if I were to name one thing that totally, without no question, that is working with my life – it has to be dance. I don’t even know where to begin.

Everyone has a body, and dancing is free. That music is the one thing a divided world can agree upon, and that dancing is a way your physical existence can contribute to a landscape of sound. That it has the capacity to heal. That there are miracles that can only be painted, some that can only be embodied. The way that holding hands is meaningful, the way that hugs are free free free, and share natural endorphins, and exhibit both vulnerability and strength.

When I dance I endeavour to bring out the best qualities of man. These are not ‘movements’. I channel harmony, I channel beauty, respect, trust. I channel my knowing of the divine, I release this reckless party. I dance for myself, not for competition or show. I dance because my soul wants to bathe in wisdom that is beyond myself, because I want to learn and discover. Because I want to play in the rain, and I have a date with drums, ritual and All’s presence.


So why can’t I talk like this about my work?

What belief systems do I have in dance that I don’t have with my 9-5 job and how can I inch them closer? I’LL GIVE YOU A FULLVIEW of this in action:


“it’s just an office job, can NGOs have real impact? maybe I’m doing this just to feel like I’m a good person.. ”

-why don’t you feel the same about dance? There are millions of dancers in this world why don’t you feel insecure about still dancing anyway?

“um. Because I have a unique soul? That’s like asking why a color would get insecure about all the other colors of the rainbow. I know I have an expression only I can bring to the world – that I’m responsible for, and it’s the only true value and gift that I could bring to this world”

-wouldn’t doing your part in creating a world with less lack have the same principle ?

“huh you’re right. There’s a contribution here that only my unique life experience, even life circumstances can bring. I’m not so sure about the value that only I can bring to the table. But I’m willing to do the work. Keeping digging down the mountain to find the gem/the niche/ the groove that would resonate with me and the world around me.

– how long did it take you to find that in dance?

4 years of a lot of trial and error. But it was worth the ride, all the other kinds of cultures and methods gave me time to discover myself, and understand people who have a different perspective. Seeing dance as sport, seeing dance as a museum or academic exercise. I hold them in high respect, I just know it’s not for me.

– you’ve been pursuing work for how long?

haha! 6 MONTHS. YOU’re right I’m complacent.




– what made you stick it out when you were a shitty dancer? What made you persist through the embarrassment of being a flabby self, who’s too geeky to deserve to be in the studio?

I loved the music, I loved the unbounded joy on people’s faces, that my insecurities couldn’t matter.

– what made you want to work with poor people ?

I .. I greatly admired their story. I work with people who were once homeless who are now helping other homeless people believe they have the power to pull themselves from their bootstraps and get legal tenure. They’re literally superheroes. They have a heart that would rival any king’s. They have a life experience vastly different from my own, and it humbles me that knowing how to type decent English can let me be of any help to them. I…. I think I was uninspired with work because I forgot how much I respected these women. I judged them for the traits of their income economic class.


there’s a lot of shitty politics, and I feel like pushing up against a wall with everyone having had a poor background and ‘thinking poor’. They have made some shoddy institutional decisions and are too kind/lenient with their work ethics. They don’t know how to assert themselves, they – they make me feel like a beggar.

-why have you never felt the same way about dance ? Why aren’t you frustrated that other people don’t see dance the same way as you do? Value art the way you do? Why aren’t you batshit frustrated when you local salsa scene ‘isn’t getting any better’ cause ‘you’re from a “third world country”??

BECAUSE other people’s dance journey is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY. I can only do what works for me, and other people don’t have to be as obsessed as me! I can teach, when they ask me to teach, but I can’t manhandle the world around me.

– so. About your work.

I shouldn’t manhandle my officemates should I?


-up to you.




But it’s stupid!

– you said that people saying “i can’t dance” when they’re at the dance floor is also non sensical, but you don’t get frustrated. IN FACT. You know where they’re coming from . So you smile and make them comfortable, and be patient. You let them have a taste of fun and can’t fucin wait for them to break out of their shells and get their booty shaking.

Oh wow, I’m being judgmental shit at work.

– you’re new, you’re still getting a hang of this.

I should just focus on what I can contribute rather than complaining.

– exactly. Did you become more fulfilled as a dancer just trash talking other dancers ?

Well I only took note of mistakes to not do it myself. But I definitely spent WAY more time building towards the things/ qualities of movements I wanted to be able to do.

-hmmmm. So what do you want to build towards ?

How to connect with on the ground communities. Earning the streetcred when negotiating and talking to communities, grantors, government and other NGOs to get shitloads of money for urban poor communities.

-you had a dance coach you faithfully copied until you grew your own wings.

Yeah I guess, I was frustrated with how unimpressive some of my colleagues were, that I had no one to model. I have two people in company though, who I still highly respect. I should spend more time with them. And I should read more books on development leaders. Badass mother fathers who also when through mud and politics and managed to win. Nelson Mandela kind of deal. Damn I’m not good at lying/negotating(??) yet, I feel like such a kid.

– don’t worry, and don’t call it lying per se.


-be patient. This is trickier waters. You’ve learned so far not everyone with an NGO job is worth your trust. They’re not exactly the pinnacle of good, not even good intentions.

Yeah that really hit me hard, I hate stealers and corrupt shits. And people who don’t pay properly.

-but you’re dedicated to learning from wiser people than you. Like taking dance classes

HELL YEAH. And I love books. I really really really love books, I look forward to reading and trying to apply their lessons to my own work. There’s a lot of things I don’t like, things I work around, but it doesn’t have to be what I’m all about. They can’t force me to feel a certain way.

-good. Feeling better?








Shoot me an email or leave a comment about your own self-awareness session. Would love to hear from you guys!

❤ Maālia

your soul is welcome here

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