Retiring from Hermitage / Going down from the Mountain Top


It’s been a while since I’ve written, but today I want to talk about going back to the “Real World” after having gone off soul searching. Or even rude spiritual awakenings.

I mean I’ve had my share, just see this , this or this.

I know, I hear you, I get it. After cocooning in this wonderful nest of rest and discovering truths and unpacking all of your traumas – you have to get back to the icky world somehow in this newer “version” of yourself. And it’s like testing a new body suit or riding a weird bike. You’re not quite sure how to do it anymore.

You have different wants, different priorities. The true mark of genuine change is that the circumstances is the same but suddenly your reaction is different and suddenly your life just takes on a whole different path because you drop some concepts or accept that there are things you just need to do to get some peace – and well you just do it. With less angst and projecting and energy flying about.

It’s really efficient, and at some point you might even feel alien.


For my experience, I had such a weird relationship with money. It’s like it had to be reprogrammed from it’s very core. Like , if the matrix had everyone in it’s thrall with “THESE MATERIAL THINGS ARE OF VALUE” , in my case everything collapsed and I saw them as empty. As only having as much meaning as I wanted it to have and even to a point I would stare at bank account digits and would genuinely feel and experience that money is convenient construct / concept. But a construct nonetheless.

If I choose for it to not be in my experience, I can do that. But I won’t. I just knew I could. And I was in this weird land of okay, money not being hella important, very convenient, but leaving me confused nonetheless. Do I explain my experience to other people ? How much money do I actually need ? The manifestation mumbo jumbo is not helping because the construct of money is folding unto itself dahdahdhhdahdah




Then I just got used to it.

To put it in perspective, amara strand is an enlightened present day person who experiences the absence of self – and for a while she kept pointing at that missing thing. Oh look I don’t have an experience of self etc etc. until it just got tired out and you just can’t just keep obsessing over a thing that’s not there. Life goes on. Life. Goes on.

So okay.

I have a weird perception of spirit , of value and money. I have had healing miracles happen around me, visions and lucid messages in dreams.

They’ve been happening consistently for 2 years to a point that I don’t even pay that much attention when there’s a blessed space or vision that comes to me when I contemplate a question. It’s even expected – as familiar and gorgeous as a wide blue sky and the grand ocean.

But people who live near the ocean, get accustomed to the beauty of the waves. Get over the initial awe-striking grandeur of say – seeing something so infinite. Then go on to their lives of eating, sleeping and earning their keep. It – all this categorically “spiritual experiences” DO get normal, and it’s PERFECTLY OKAY, for them to be normal.




I would dare even say you’ve properly integrated the truth/ experiences when you have less shock/ propensity to worship when such a thing happens. I could say my tolerance has gone way up. If before it would take me two hours to get me to a level of cleaning my own energy , these days I only need 5 minutes. I’ve been recording myself doing guided meditations and I’ve realized some of the stuff that I’m doing now, effortlessly intuitively for two hours straight – were things I would trip up about and question myself just a year ago. Now I’m like.

Oh hi! Blasting on fire, will raise the hair on my skin angelic energy. It’s you again. This primal fear inducing strength and truth. Ummm. Okay ego me, shut up you are safe, I need to talk to this thing.

” seraph I want to send helpful energies to this person”

” no I’m not projecting”

“ok I guess, I’m also healing the part of me that’s still frustrated. Heal the aspect of me that’s learning the same lesson”

“ok, yeah- I mean it. I really mean it, allow me to be open to help when I need it and send this same reminder to the person I was intending.”

“better ?”



And I swear, seraph hair raising energy used to scare the living daylights out of me. He could make you feel like you’re floating from the couch or like heat waves were occurring specifically where you are sitting. But just like spontaneous water from nowhere is normal for me. Even this fiery truth is becoming normal too. Like yes. If you want the real essence of transformation, death and justice – you bet your ass it’s available to you.

I’m even feeling more often that I’m channeling higher energies. Like I can’t stop talking and my eyes would snap into a different state and I’ll be staring down a friend going like this is important, you better fucking listen.


It’s wild. It’s fun.



But more importantly, it’s becoming normal. Not everything can be solved with a hoodoo aspect. I mean it’s easier to just open a door rather than to learn telekinesis to do it. So really , sometimes I just have some really simple ego desires like —

“I want to wear better clothes”

“I would prefer to have more free time”

“I want some passive income”


And really there’s a gaddamn straightforward way to do it.

1. Clear out your closet, read a few fashion blogs, work through your wardrobe and get better clothes.

I mean yea sure you can have some deep emotional release about self-image and go around in circles about feminism and surface appearance and the whole shebang. But you could also just get better clothes ? The maria wants better clothes. Get better clothes. Desire resolved. Desire to create a new experiences with clothing done. You don’t always have to read into it. You don’t need to choke out all your desire and they don’t have to be all noble.

2. You can’t with the job you have right now so why don’t you figure out a plan for passive income and work towards it consistently. Also be clear with the things you need to get done and how you’ll prioritize them. Which ones need to be done at home and which ones can be squeezed in between work. Your job right now has a lot of downtime – work with that. NOTHING OVERTLY SPIRITUAL RIGHT??? Just some damn responsibility.

3. Well then, work on making your sidegigs more profitable and requiring minimum maintenance from you. Something that won’t die when you’re on vacation. Don’t be impatient and just put in the work.


No nonsense , no mumbo jumbo. There’s a place for that, but even when the fire works settle these things CAN still exist and life rolls on. And you do it from your slightly weird but feeling quite normal perspective.

It gets better. I don’t feel ‘normal’ in the society sense of it, but I feel grounded and stable in what’s happening in my experience. And that’s a pretty awesome kind of normal I don’t mind getting.


Til next time!



Also got a spanking new youtube channel were I channel some good energies but also mess around with some visual puzzles and roleplay:

check it out 🙂



your soul is welcome here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s